Not so different...

I just realized last night as I made the treat for my daughter's class (9th birthday) that there are other ailments that need a lot of attention. My daughter and I were making "Ice Cream Cones" by using cake mix in the cones and frosting for the "ice cream". While we were making these treats, she reminded me that a child in her class was allergic to nuts. This got me to thinking about his life and what he and his family must endure every day.

What must life be like in his house? How does his mom handle his meals? We as diabetics can pretty much eat anything we want with a bit of math wizardry and bolusing finesse. What would it be like to not be able to eat a certain food because it could literally KILL you? There is a "nut fee" table in the lunchroom for these special kids. Does he feel singled out because of this? Would I feel different if I had to sit at a different table because of my diabetes?

How does the mom feel as she shuttles her child off to school everyday wondering if someone next to her son will accidentally give him something with nuts. I'm sure they have their warnings and instructions (Epi pen in school office). It also reminded me of Sandra Miller's son when he is offered class treats. As an adult I feel I can navigate this disease without too much difficulty. I feel for the parents that must send their precious darlings out into the world with these added burdens.

Well we included the ingredient labels for our treat so he can determine if he can eat it. We were pretty sure but didn't want to take any chances.

Weak for a Week

Do I get to have a free week between having my blood drawn and my endo appointment? By "free week" I mean letting my guard down against this beast. I don't mean not testing or taking my insulin...just a little respite from the process. The thought that creeps into my mind at times is "The doctor won't know since she'll see my numbers from last week..." so go ahead and eat this or drink that. Don't take me too seriously since I know my health in the future will definitely be affected by what I do and don't do now. This is the just mindset I have after my blood test is done.

On another note, my daughter had her ninth birthday party this weekend. She wore us down and we got her a hamster. She has been lobbying for three years for this little creature. I told her and my husband it was up to them to keep the little thing alive (by feeding her and keeping the cats away). I've got enough on my plate. It IS cute. I can see me in our office in the near future with this little creature on my shoulder becoming fast friends...

"Don't You Judge Me"

Tomorrow I go in to get my blood drawn for testing. I have my endo appointment next week and am a little anxious about it this time. My sugar levels in the morning have been consistently higher. I know that these will affect my A1c. The doctor said to call her if they are higher than 150. I've seen a few but I haven't called her.

My last A1c was 6.5. Right on the line of being good. I know this one will be higher. It has to be (not that I'm trying...I'm counting carbs and watching what I eat - really!)

The one before that was 7. When the doctor came into the room on that visit she looked at me and asked what I've been doing to make my number go higher. I felt as if I was in the principal's office...and I've done something wrong. Maybe I was reading her wrong.

I know she is there to help me. I can't help but get the feeling that I'm being judged. Maybe when the doctor comes in asking what's up this time I'll quote Joy's mom in "My Name Is Earl" by saying...

"Don't You Judge Me, Doc!"

Spring Cleaning (My Health)

Well we had a taste of spring here the other day with warm weather...it got me into the "spring cleaning" mood. I've since dusted the ceiling fans and blinds. I've also been vacuuming under furniture, on top of doors and reaching high for those cobwebs that swing in the breeze.

While I was doing this I was thinking a lot about how I concentrate a lot about the external environment that I live in. How much attention have I been paying to my internal environment? Obviously I've paid more attention in the past year since I was diagnosed but probably not as much as I should.

I think it was the initial shock of diagnosis and then the subsequent stages (denial, anger, depression and, finally, acceptance) that I've gone through that have prevented me from entering into my new lifestyle with a "gung ho" attitude. Kind of like taking baby steps through each process. Dipping my toes in and testing the water before jumping in. I guess this is the good thing about the honeymoon phase and the fact that I wasn't too out of control at the time I was diagnosed (no DKA or ketones). Also, the docs started me on Glyburide (ala type 2) then switched to insulin after six months with a new diagnosis of type 1.5 (or LADA).

I intend to "spring clean" my inner self - both mind and body - so I can live a healthier, long life. If those Cleveland brothers (Bob and Gerald) can live for 70+ years with this disease with all the hard work they had to do over the years with boiling and sharpening needles and testing urine by boiling it and treating it with chemicals...I feel that I can make a better go of it.

Well I better go test and have a nutritional lunch. I'll also try to get the cobwebs out of my brain by doing a crossword puzzle. Happy (early) spring!

Okay

147 this morning. Better, but I think we're heading toward Lantus Street.

Ack...

175 this morning. Let's see what happened yesterday.

I had a pretty controlled day. At lunchtime I was at a good 87. I had an egg salad sandwich with a clementine. 4 units of Novolog. Good. Hungry at 3pm and had a low-carb yogurt. Still good.

The kids came home from school and decided they wanted English Muffin pizzas (yum!) so I thought I would join them. Been a little hungrier lately. So I check and I'm at 94. I should probably just wait until dinner (as the d-guy on my shoulder wispers in my ear). I take two units of insulin (too little - you'll see). My little guy only wants half so of course I still make a whole and eat the other half along with one I intended to eat. At 7pm I'm at 202 (see) so I take 5 units of Novolog to cover the high and my typically healthy weekday meal. I eat meatloaf, green beans, salad with cheese and 1000 island (yum again). I notice that the carbs are pretty low. I figure I'll have a little something later to cover the inevitable low.

Well got busy with the nightime routine and, sure enough, feeling a little funky. 41 at 9pm!!!!! As Kerri's dictionary states this is an "official scary number". But then I went crazy. What's the diabetic dictionary term for this? How about "Feeding Frenzy". I had six Thin Mint cookies, a handful of Fritos, and probably three servings of peanuts. Total carb count somewhere around 58 grams. Not the 15 grams and wait 15 minutes. I told you I went crazy. I rationalize that with a drop that I just experienced I probably still have some active insulin that might cover some of the carbs.

Checked before bedtime and was at at 147. A little high. My Novolog pen doesn't deal with half doses so no way to correct. Too afraid to take one whole unit before sleep. So I went to bed and hoped for the best.

You see the results: 175 this morning

Trying not to kick myself too much. Don't have too many lows and that hungry feeling was too powerful. I'll be better today. =)

Meal Planning (and Morning Blood Sugars)

My endo said to call her if my sugars go above 150 for my morning reading. Well they've been bouncing around between 130 and 148 for the past few weeks so I haven't called her. This morning it was "167"! I've never had a reading like that in the morning...pretty new and scary for me.

The readings had been creeping up so I started to walk on the treadmill again. Well I've been a little lax the past two weeks. It's a catch 22...I'm tired so I don't walk but I know that I'll gain more energy if I walk. I'd rather be on the couch watching Oprah and eating Fritos.

(Author takes a break to hunt through the kitchen for a snack - choses low-carb yogurt so we're good to go)

I am taking only Novolog with meals on a sliding scale (4 units if reading between 100-150). I am not on long-acting insulin. I am afraid of the long-acting. The reasoning is probably because I've seen my Dad have a few episode of hypoglycymia and think that I won't wake up...

This morning's reading could be attributed to the weekend foods...I tried a banana bread recipe with Splenda and 1/2 whole wheat flour...not like the real thing but pretty close. I only ate tiny bits (and one was when I was low) and incorporated it into my meals along with insulin. I guess I can't do this. Damn this disease. I love banana bread. My kids love banana bread. It's about the only thing I can make and now I think it's freaking out my sugars. Can I still make it for them and not eat it...I think I can but I will probably watch them as I drool.

Let's see if we can figure out what went wrong. I know what the diet should look like (a small card-size piece of fish, salad with oil/vinegar, veggie or two). This is how my weekend meal plan actually turned out (which feels like having the window shades up when its dark outside):

Saturday -(morning bg 137)
breakfast - bacon/lettuce/tomato sandwich with a little eggs on the side (reg. bread)
lunch - hot ham and cheese sandwich (reg. bread)/banana bread
dinner - sloppy joes with Fritos (had two low-carb beers)
snack - popcorn (no insulin due to beers)

Sunday - (morning bg 144)
breakfast - bacon/lettuce/tomato sandwhich with a little eggs (reg. bread)
snack - apple
lunch - hot ham and cheese sandwich (reg. bread)
(*edit-I forgot I had six Thin Mint cookies w/2 units of insulin)
dinner - sloppy joes with Fritos/a little banana bread
snack - peanuts

I say an overall D diabetic meal plan. I called the dietician but she has not called me back. I know the little plastic foods. I know portion control. I really don't eat THAT much. I just think my food choices are not the best. Notice the lack of veggies.

*I just remembered I had those darn cookies yesterday. That's why my sugars were probably wacky this morning. I did take two units of Novolog. Shouldn't that take care of that??? Just frustrated that I can't even have a cookie (or six)...

Let's see if I can get them down with better eating during the week.

One Year Anniversary

I will be "celebrating" tomorrow as it will be one year since being diagnosed with diabetes. Now I know that this is not something that is to be celebrated with all out parties and presents (unless you consider the medical supplies that the UPS man delivers). But I think this community of fellow PWD might understand the passing of this "milestone".

It was one year ago that I had my annual girly exam and had complained of feeling a bit tired lately and it's been hard to shake a sinus and other infections I had over the winter. Nice doctor sends me to the lab just to get my blood checked. No worries. These things usually always come back showing nothing unusual.

Two days later at 9:30pm I get a call from the nice doctor. It can't be good news when the doctor calls - especially that late. Didn't Larry David have a show highlighting the perils of calling after 9?!? Anyway, nice doctor says the lab called him and recommended that I go to the emergency room...my blood sugar came back high. Is 480 high? How high is high? The numbers didn't mean anything to me at the time. He said that this was the first time that he's ever had these tests come back with this type of result. Nice to know that I can now be counted as a "first" with him. I thanked the nice doctor.

I told hubby not to worry. It's probably nothing serious and to stay home with the kids...they just were put to bed. Don't mention anything yet and don't worry.

So off to the emergency room I go. I bring a book but can't even think of focusing on it. So in goes the IV and out comes more blood for testing. I remember one of the nurses saying "...now that you are a diabetic..." my mind was swimming. How can I be a diabetic. I'm not a kid (39) - too old for juvenile diabetes. Right? I didn't think I was old enough for what my Grandma had...it didn't make sense. The nurses kept injecting insulin into the IV to try to bring my sugars down. It didn't come down until 6am the next morning. I had my first low that morning...57. The nurse was happy that I could sense the low. No hypoglycemic unawareness. Yay! (I guess).

I met with the diabetic nurse. She seemed sympathetic at the time. She told me to go home and take Glyburide (5mg twice a day). She'll see me in a couple of days. She said I probably have had diabetes for a little while and that a few more days of highs were not going to hurt. So off home I went as a new Person With Diabetes. The road from inital Type 2 to Type 1.5 (LADA) would take another seven months to figure out.

Well that's how it was one year ago. I had my wedding rings engraved with the wedding date. What do you engrave for diabetes? I have seen some nice medical tatoos...Hmmm.